How to live more authentic without social pressure

Living authentically means embracing who we truly are, aligning our actions with our core values, and expressing ourselves honestly and transparently. It is about breaking free from the chains of societal pressure and rediscovering our own unique identities. By doing so, we can lead lives that are true to ourselves, genuine in our relationships, and fulfilling in every aspect.

In this blog, we will embark on a journey of self-discovery and learn practical strategies to live more authentically, free from the weight of social pressure. We will explore various aspects of authenticity, from understanding our values and beliefs to navigating societal expectations and embracing vulnerability. Along the way, we will discover that authenticity is not a destination but a continuous process of growth and self-awareness.

1. Don’t let others define you

Carl Jung the founder of psychoanalysis once said: “The world will ask you who you are, and if you don’t know, the world will tell you”. If you lack a deep understanding of your own identity and inner motivations you may find yourselves influenced and defined by external forces.

Do you know what happens, if you are unaware of our own values and authentic desire? You are more likely to conforming to societal norms and external pressures.

You see, society at large will have expectations, judgments, and labels ready to assign to individuals (especially those) who haven't taken the time to explore and understand their themselves.

When I was younger I always loved art, music and dancing but I didn't know what to do. Many people especially adults were telling me that I should go to the business school. I don’t even know at that time what personal benefits I could get out of going to a business school you but I trusted that they know it better. Everyone told me that it would be fine, you will learn something for life, you have skills that bring you money, and it is secure. And I did it but it was because at the point in time, I honestly did not know what to do at that age. It is better to continue with something others experienced before, instead of walking my own path. I did so and I zero enjoyed it.

I’m just saying the earlier you start with your discovery, it will be much easier for you. But it is also never too late. So if you didn’t do it yet, start questioning yourself now.

If a friend, a colleague, a family member asks you for a favor I bet also try your best to support them with answers. Why don’t you do yourself a favor and ask yourself instead?

How?

Find a quiet and comfortable space where you can engage in self-reflection. Journaling, meditation, and mindfulness practices can be incredibly helpful in gaining clarity about who you are and what matters most to you. If you do journaling then write down

• What does your ideal day look like?

• What unique qualities do you have?

• What does "living your truth" mean to you?

• Taking money out of the equation, what's your dream career?

• What do you think you could do to help make the world a better place?

• How do you want to be remembered by your grandchildren?

2. Self-Acceptance and Inner Peace:

Authentic living involves accepting and embracing all aspects of yourself, this means also including your strengths, and your imperfections. If you accept who you truly are, you experience a profound sense of inner peace and contentment. There is no need to pretend or conform to societal expectation.

You see, when I was younger, I always tried so hard to fit in. My parents were immigrants and I am the first generation to be born in Germany. When people talked about how they visited their grandparents, far distanced family members over the summer holidays, I always wished I was born where my ethnicity is from and did not fully accepted my own identity. I had to justify why I don’t look German but identify myself as German - but only later on I realized how much of a bless it is to grow up with 2 different cultures.

If you find yourself often in situations where you have to pretend to be accepted, then I would recommend you to assess your environment again. Are you with people who accepts you for who you are as in your identity, where your values are from and your past? Also by accepting I don’t mean that they are never pointing out your flaws or just specific habits you could improve on. It's even essential to have friends who wants you to be better! If they are truly your friends they would tell you the truth even though you might not want to hear it and they might risk confrontations with you. So you need to assess with your intuition if they are truly having good intentions. Do they bring enough peace in your life and encourage you to do better?

I saw the other day this documentary of Jonah Hill and his therapist Phil Stutz and Stutz is talking about “radical acceptance” and it is about creating a reflex to find something meaningful and challenge yourself with the what I’m gonna do about it now? It involves embracing reality, including the aspects of life that are difficult or painful. Stutz believes that by accepting and working with reality as it is, individuals can find inner strength, resilience, and a greater sense of fulfillment. Through radical acceptance, you can cultivate a deeper sense of self-awareness, self-compassion, and personal growth.

Inner peace can be also found in meditation. Be in sync with your heart and brainwaves. If you meditate you put your brain in a high beta brain level. You will learn how to learn how to regulate and slow your brain waves down. When the brain starts to relax, the brain sees in pictures and it moves in alpha state. Here you are entering the operating system and you can rewrite a new program- rehearse a new script and change your behavior that can sync with the reality that you wish for a peaceful life.

2. Fulfillment and Passion

Once you accept your reality, you must find something, anything that gives fulfillment and passion in your life!

Most of you have the freedom to follow your heart and explore the things that genuinely resonate with you. If you are not sick, if you have food and a roof over your head then there is no excuse. The truth about passion, is that it generates a high vibrational frequency that can elevate your energy and attract positive experiences. When you follow your passion be it any kind of sports, art, or a big project you always wanted to start, you can break free from limiting beliefs and self-imposed limitations. Yes you heard it right - limitations are self imposed, mostly because people tell you things are not possible and you were receptive to it. But if you pursue your passions, you show yourself that societal expectations are not so important as many would believe. Passion empowers you to step outside your comfort zones and embrace new possibilities.

It took me several attempts to find the courage to start my Youtube channel and I am someone who needs to speak and visualize my goals with other people before I start. However, I chose to speak with people where I knew they would always encourage me to follow any dream that I have because I see that they do exactly the same thing. If you need encouragement, talk to people who often step out of their comfort zone to follow their passion too!

If you don’t know where to start, then try new hobbies, attend workshops, read books, and surround yourself with inspiring people who encourage personal growth. Embrace your own adventure to discover new aspects of your authentic self."

There is this rule, which says, when you want to do something, do it within 72 hours, if you don’t do it within 72 hours, the possibility that you ever will start with it will sink below 5%. Once you start with something, your project, your passion, then be consequent with it everyday for at least 66 days. See this as a "trial phase" and be proud of yourself that you at least tried!

3. Genuine Relationships:

Remember that we are social entities that are relying on genuine relationships for social connection and emotional support.

If you are authentic you foster genuine connections with others, you attract people who appreciate and accept you for who you are. Authenticity in relationships means being vulnerable, communicating honestly, and nurturing connections based on trust and mutual understanding. You create meaningful connections with others by showing up as your authentic self.

You see, the older I became I the more selective I was with my friends. I had this one friend where I often felt depleted after we hung out. This friend sucked out my entire energy for the day because I often felt that I had to adjust myself towards that friend, what to say that person doesn’t get upset easily. And over 80% of the conversations was me listening to problems and nagging each time when we saw each other. This can also happen in relationships, when someone keeps on guilt talking to you even when things are not justified. Let’s say when someone is telling you you are responsible for how miserable their week went because you had some disagreement. I am not talking about an act that you did such as betrayal or lying but more about having different views. If someone guilt talks you and pointing out that you are responsible for 100% of their emotional wellbeing, then you need to detach yourself from this energy that pulls down.

Communicate authentically - expressing yourself honestly, share your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a genuine and respectful manner. Genuine relationships are characterized by a willingness to support, uplift, and show kindness to one another.

I have close people where I can feel comfortable being vulnerable with each other, sharing our fears, insecurities, and dreams. I know I can be my true selves without fear of rejection or intentionally hurting criticism.

4. Resilience and Inner Strength:

If you want to live authentically, you need to be true to yourself, you need develop resilience and inner strength to navigate challenges in your life. When you live authentic you face obstacles with a sense of authenticity where you can stay true to your values and beliefs.

If you think, then think intentionally. What do you want out of life? Who am I and what am I currently facing?

In fact, we can even create new neural pathways that support resilience and inner strength. If you consistently focus on positive thoughts and emotions, you can reshape your brain's response to difficulties in life. This also includes you to embrace change and uncertainty and you need to step outside of your comfort zones and confronting challenges to be more resilient and adaptable.

When I grew up, I wished things could be differently, having more money, and buying whatever I want, going to places, get to experience what it is like to see new things. When I grew up I often faced emotional abuse through authorities and relationships. But I deeply refuse to let some failures along the way, discourage me! So I tried new things. In moments of adversity, I turned to my inner strength. I cultivated a daily meditation and mindfulness practice, which helped me to stay centered and focused while facing challenges, I did a lot of shadow work by talking to therapists . Those things allowed me to tap into my inner resilience and find the strength to persevere.

Write down and reflect what are your strength and what are you weaknesses? Practice self-reflection and mindfulness to identify patterns, triggers, and areas for personal growth.

There is always fear in moving towards authenticity, because we have been taught since our childhood to be afraid of our authentic selves. Cause if we are not our authentic selves, we loose the world. That’s the fear but that fear has to be confronted, otherwise you loose yourself. The biggest stress of all is trying to be who you are not. You might say if I am authentic i am not good enough but this is an automatic behavior for you. This behavior is there and it is hard to change despite what you know intellectually.

So never stop believing in yourself and if you don’t know where to start then ask yourself the questions when in my life did I feel most authentic and true to myself?

I believe in you, stay true to yourself and until next time!

X, Huyen